Hier analysiert ein cooler Tech Blogger das Ganz Große Geld (jetzt, wo es schon im Senat Goldman Sachs Anhörungen gibt) und weil er gar so cool ist, darf er Star Trek-Schurken verwenden, um diesen Geldtypen aber mal so richtig Bescheid zu sagen. Aber mal so richtig! Ich bin sicher, dass deswegen auf der Wall Street heute das ganz große Zittern ausbricht…
“What do you get when you cross a Godfather with an investment banker? Someone who makes you an offer you can’t understand.
Goldman Sachs is run by the money-loving Ferengi, whose core principles are outlined in their bible, “The Rules of Acquisition.” These bastards are reveling in their financial mischievousness–they’re enjoying explaining exactly how they fucked us. Like a ‘nit slow playing an overpair who hits his set (that’s poker lingo, ask a friend), these bastards can’t wait for the hand to end so they can explain how they trapped us while counting our chips.”
Falls wem ganz fad ist, folgt hier die Ferengi Bibel, “The Rules of Acquisition” im ganzen – es klingt, als hätten Gordon Gecko, der oberste Vatikanbanker, Don Vitos Consigliere, Bert Brecht und Lieschen Müller zusammen einen Ratgeber geschrieben:
Rule 001 » Once you have their money, you never give it back.
Rule 002 » The best deal is the one that brings the most profit.
Rule 003 » Never spend more for an acquisition than you have to.
Rule 004 » A woman wearing clothes is like a man in the kitchen.
Rule 006 » Never allow family to stand in the way of opportunity.
Rule 007 » Keep your ears open.
Rule 008 » Small print leads to large risk.
Rule 009 » Opportunity plus instinct equals profit.
Rule 010 » Greed is eternal.
Rule 011 » Even if it’s free, you can always buy it cheaper.
Rule 012 » Anything worth doing is worth doing for money.
Rule 013 » Anything worth doing is worth doing twice.
Rule 014 » Keep your family close, keep your Latinum closer.
Rule 016 » A deal is a deal. (until a better one comes along).
Rule 017 » A contract is a contract is a contract – but only between Ferengi.
Rule 018 » A Ferengi without profit is no Ferengi at all.
Rule 019 » Satisfaction is not guaranteed.
Rule 020 » Only give money to people you know you can steal from.
Rule 021 » Never place friendship before profit.
Rule 022 » A wise man can hear profit in the wind.
Rule 024 » Latinum can’t buy happiness, but you can sure have a blast renting it.
Rule 025 » There’s always a way out.
Rule 026 » As the customers go, so goes the wise profiteer.
Rule 027 » There’s nothing more dangerous than an honest businessman.
Rule 028 » Whisper your way to success.
Rule 029 » What’s in it for me?
Rule 031 » Never make fun of a Ferengi’s mother. (insult something he cares about, instead).
Rule 033 » It never hurts to suck up to the boss.
Rule 034 » War is good for business.
Rule 035 » Peace is good for business.
Rule 037 » If it’s free, take it and worry about hidden costs later.
Rule 039 » Friendship is temporary; profit is forever.
Rule 040 » She can touch your lobes, but never your Latinum.
Rule 041 » Profit is its own reward.
Rule 042 » What’s mine is mine, and what’s yours is mine too.
Rule 044 » Never confuse wisdom with luck.
Rule 045 » Ambition knows no family.
Rule 046 » Make your shop easy to find.
Rule 047 » Don’t trust a man wearing a better suit than your own.
Rule 048 » The bigger the smile, the sharper the knife.
Rule 049 » Everything is worth something to somebody.
Rule 050 » Gratitude can bring on generosity.
Rule 051 » Reward anyone who adds to your profits so they will continue to do so.
Rule 052 » Never ask when you can take.
Rule 057 » Good customers are as rare as Latinum, Treasure them.
Rule 058 » There is no substitute for success.
Rule 059 » Free advice is seldom cheap.
Rule 060 » Keep your lies consistent.
Rule 062 » The riskier the road, the greater the profit.
Rule 065 » Win or lose, there’s always Huyperian beetle snuff.
Rule 068 » Ear stroking will get you anything.
Rule 069 » Ferengi are not responsible for the stupidity of other races.
Rule 072 » Never trust your customers.
Rule 073 » If it gets you profit, sell your own mother.
Rule 075 » Home is where the heart is, but the stars are made of Latinum.
Rule 076 » Every once in a while, declare peace. “It confuses the hell out of your enemies”.
Rule 077 » It’s better to swallow your pride than to lose your profit.
Rule 078 » When the going gets tough, the tough change the Rules.
Rule 079 » Beware of the Vulcan greed for knowledge.
Rule 082 » The flimsier the product, the higher the price.
Rule 084 » A friend is not a friend if he asks for a discount.
Rule 085 » Never let the competition know what you’re thinking.
Rule 087 » A friend in need means three times the profit.
Rule 089 » Ask not what your profits can do for you, ask what you can do for your profits.
Rule 092 » There are many paths to profit.
Rule 093 » Act without delay! The sharp knife cuts quickly.
Rule 094 » Females and finances don’t mix.
Rule 095 » Expand or die.
Rule 096 » For every Rule, there is an equal and opposite Rule, (except when there’s not).
Rule 097 » Enough… is never enough.
Rule 098 » Every man has his price.
Rule 099 » Trust is the biggest liability of all.
Rule 100 » If they take your first offer, you either asked too little or offered too much.
Rule 101 » The only value of a collectible is what you can get somebody else to pay for it.
Rule 102 » Nature decays, but Latinum lasts forever.
Rule 103 » Sleep can interfere with…
Rule 104 » Faith moves mountains… (of inventory).
Rule 105 » Don’t trust anyone who trusts you.
Rule 106 » There is no honor in poverty.
Rule 107 » A warranty is valid only if they can find you.
Rule 109 » Dignity and an empty sack is worth the sack.
Rule 111 » Treat people in your debt like family, exploit them [ruthlessly].
Rule 112 » Never have sex with the boss’ sister.
Rule 113 » Always have sex with the boss.
Rule 115 » The best contract always has a lot of fine print.
Rule 116 » There’s always a catch.
Rule 117 » Everything is for sale, including friendship.
Rule 119 » Never judge a customer by the size of his wallet, (…sometimes, good things come in small packages).
Rule 121 » Everything is for sale, including friendship.
Rule 123 » Even a blind man can recognize the glow of Latinum.
Rule 125 » You can’t make a deal if you’re dead.
Rule 126 » Count it.
Rule 127 » Stay neutral in conflict so that you can sell supplies to both sides.
Rule 135 » Never trust a beneficiary.
Rule 139 » Wives serve, brothers inherit.
Rule 141 » Only fools pay retail.
Rule 142 » There’s no such thing as an unfair advantage.
Rule 143 » Risk is part of the game… play it for all it’s worth.
Rule 144 » There’s nothing wrong with charity…as long as it winds up in your pocket.
Rule 146 » Necessity, n. The mother of invention. Profit is the father.
Rule 152 » A lie is a way to tell the truth to someone who doesn’t know.
Rule 153 » Sell the sizzle, not the steak.
Rule 162 » Even in the worst of times, someone turns a profit.
Rule 168 » Whisper your way to success.
Rule 169 » Competition and fair play are mutually exclusive.
Rule 171 » Blood is thicker than water, and Latinum is thicker than both.
Rule 172 » Chances aren’t what they used to be.
Rule 177 » Know your enemies… but do business with them always.
Rule 181 » Not even dishonesty can tarnish the shine of profit.
Rule 188 » A fool and his money is the best customer.
Rule 189 » Let others keep their reputation. You keep their money.
Rule 190 » Hear all, trust nothing.
Rule 191 » A Ferengi waits to bid until his opponents have exhausted themselves.
Rule 192 » Never cheat a Klingon… unless you’re sure you can get away with it.
Rule 194 » It’s always good business to know about new customers before they walk in your door.
Rule 200 » If you’re going to have to endure, make yourself comfortable.
Rule 202 » The justification of profit is profit.
Rule 203 » New customers are like razor-backed Gree worms… They can be succulent, but sometimes they bite back!
Rule 204 » It takes a Ferengi to cheat a Ferengi.
Rule 208 » Sometimes the only thing more dangerous than a question is an answer.
Rule 211 » Employees are the rungs on the ladder of success… don’t hesitate to step on them.
Rule 214 » Never begin a business negotiation on an empty stomach.
Rule 216 » Never gamble with an empath.
Rule 217 » You can’t free a fish from water.
Rule 218 » Always know what you’re buying Rule 219 » Possession is 11/10 of the law.
Rule 223 » Beware the man who doesn’t make time for oo-mox.
Rule 229 » Latinum lasts longer than lust.
Rule 231 » There’s a sucker born every minute; be sure you’re the first to find each one.
Rule 236 » You can’t buy fate.
Rule 239 » Never be afraid to mislabel a product.
Rule 241 » Never trust a hardworking employee.
Rule 242 » More is good… all is better.
Rule 253 » Synthehol is the lubricant of choice for a customer’s stuck purse.
Rule 255 » A wife is a luxury… a smart accountant, a necessity.
Rule 256 » Accountants do not play the game; they only keep the score.
Rule 260 » Life’s not fair. How else would you turn a profit?
Rule 261 » A wealthy man can afford anything except a conscience.
Rule 262 » A verbal contract isn’t worth the paper it’s written on.
Rule 263 » Never allow doubt to tarnish your lust for Latinum.
Rule 265 » The customer is always right, (…until you get their cash).
Rule 266 » When in doubt, lie.
Rule 267 » If you believe it, they believe it.
Rule 270 » In business deals, a disruptor can be almost as important as a calculator.
Rule 277 » Anything worth fighting for is worth hiding from.
Rule 284 » Deep down, everyone’s a Ferengi.
Rule 285 » No good deed ever goes unpunished.
Rule 286 » When Morn leaves, it’s all over. (Quark made this rule up)
Rule 299 » Whenever you exploit someone, it never hurts to thank them. That way, it’s easier to exploit them the next time.
